


Allegedly I'm fine without you.

by golden_queen_in_love



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Sad Ending, Sadness, lonely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27286378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/golden_queen_in_love/pseuds/golden_queen_in_love
Summary: Au where Armin got nightmares about killing Eren.Or where Armin is tired of pretending that all is fine when he is lost.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Allegedly I'm fine without you.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I don't know but this month I've been so inspired by this couple. I hope you enjoy it.

> _And then I can tell myself  
>  What the hell I'm supposed to do  
>  And then I can tell myself  
>  Not to ride along with you._
> 
> The night we met.- Lord Huron.

* * *

_“Armin…”_

The voice that he always searched in his life, it was the same voice that right now rebounded in Armin’s mind, but this was so broken and sad, as a whisper asking help.

_“Do it...”_

—I can’t… Eren, I can’t. —Armin mumbled, closing his fists with force, and then opening his eyes to discover the darkness around him. He was in an unusual place where there were no windows, but it was possible to see by a light in the middle of the room.

But it wasn’t a light, it was a person and none more than his best friend, who was kneed with a shining weird aura around his body.

Armin noticed the grotesque aspect that his best friend had. No, that person in front of him was something that he used to know but right now that body hadn’t a soul or any signal of life, just a hollow and cold glance that always was positioned on the floor as if his head was too heavy to support it.

_“Do it.”_ The same voice repeated those words, but he wasn’t sure of what was trying to say at him, he just appeared in that black room in which Eren was sitting in the middle of the darkness with a run-down aspect.

—Eren… Please, look at me. —The blond tried to catch his best friend’s attention but he noticed that the glance kept on the floor, letting his hair covered all his face and the little part that he was able to see it didn’t seem so good. His face, that once ago seemed at Armin as something beautiful and full of energy, right now gut of emotions and gaunt.— There is time, we still have time to…

_“You should kill me… You have to do it.”_

Armin’s breath stopped when he heard those words. His head denied several times before walking a few steps closer trying to be closer with that lost person.

No, he couldn’t think anything like that. He did a promise to Mikasa of returning Eren alive.

—Mikasa is waiting for you… I’ve… We could change the things, Eren, please. —No matter how many times he had thought a speech to convince at Eren, being in front of him was something that makes his mind lost and just focus his attention on his friend.

_“Armin, you need to do it_ ” Eren replies before gasped and tried to move one of his hand, snapping his body by the little effort of moving. “Help me…”

The youngest felt a big concern and then ran at his best friend without taking care the possibility that maybe he was wearing some weapons and tries to hurt at Armin but frankly, he was his friend… he couldn’t do something like that…

Armin’s hands were on Eren’s shoulders, trying to stabilize his body.

—Eren… —Armin sighed out when their bodies were close, and he could feel the warm skin of the other. That was something strange but also something common for Armin because after obtained the Titan shifter, his body was warm almost all the time, no matter if he was in his titan form or not.— Can you hear me?

The blond tried to move his hands to carry Eren’s body but he noticed the fragile and trembling that his best friend was, so he decided to let him in the same post but one of his hand was at his hair, trying to suit it.

—Please, Eren… look at me.

The darkness around them was something that didn’t help when Armin tried to analyse more the face of his best, trying to recognize any wound that he could have.

—Please… —Armin whispered near of his ear, making Eren’s body ceased of trembling and making raise his head to connect their glances.

One minute could happen but Armin felt that connection as a year.

He missed that glance. He missed those sparkling eyes and he still misses because those eyes were hollow of any sparkle, those were empty eyes in which one time ago he used to see at himself.

 _“Thank you, Armin.”_

Eren’s words made his mind returned at the reality in which could notice the scars of his beautiful face, oh, even with those scars Eren’s face was something that he wants to see and appreciate for the rest of his years.

—What are you…— Armin couldn’t end before felt a punch in his chest and made to fall on his back, closing his eyes by the pain but swiftly recovering when remembered those eyes, those lost eyes.— Eren! —He screamed, sitting on the darkness but this time nothing was able to see around him and Eren’s presence had disappeared.

Armin’s eyes filled with tears noticed the lone feeling that was evolving inside himself and the anxiety of doing nothing to stop at Eren.

—Eren! Come back! —He yelled, trying to stand up but once more his body felt a tough punch but this time on his chest, making him split blood at the floor. His breathing felt heavy and the only thing he could do was let his body felt, supporting his weight on his hands and knees, while he coughed blood.

_“Armin… You have to do it.”_ This time Eren’s voice felt farther than before and Armin just raised his head, having a little hope to see his presence but he just received another punch in his back, making his body bent and split blood once more.

—Eren… Stopping escaping from us. You need us…

_“You have to do it!”_ The screamed interrupted Armin’s words and made his body trembling with fear, for the first time after their fight the blond was feeling upset by the situation, no, that wasn’t the only feeling. His body was covered by a bitter mix.

Angry, sadness, disappointed…

—I can’t! —Armin expressed while some tears fell from his eyes. Those were for the upset and embarrassed of being in that position, with all his power left aside but it was a reason for that, it was.— You know it!

_“Do it!”_ Another voice rumbled in the darkness, this time this voice was softer than Eren’s voice and made Armin’s heart stopped for a while. Who was it? A girl? She… is she part of this? Is she Eren…?

_“Armin… you can do it.”_ Eren’s voice sounded closer and that made his glance raised to see this time a strong Eren with the same aspect he had the last time they met. His face seemed filled with serious and angry, and when Armin felt the touch of Eren’s hand on his shoulder, he didn’t feel the weird warm as the first time, it was opposite, it felt cold.

—Eren…

_“You can do it.”_ He repeated the same words, making Armin felt on his back and putting his body on him, taking one of Armin’s hand to lead it at his own chest. “ _You have to do it.”_

When Armin’s fingers touched Eren’s chest, Armin felt intimidated but his glance was on Eren’s face, trying to check any reaction of his part but it was hollow, nothing seemed to affect at him, even he was on Armin’s body and hadn’t any reaction in contrast than Armin, who was blushed and didn’t take care about his injured body.

Then he started to feel something soaked around his fingers and made his glance returned at Eren’s chest, where Armin could notice the blood that was emerging from the spot of Eren, he tried to retire his fingers.

—What’s happening? Eren…? —Armin tried to quit his hand but then Eren put more force on his hand and made his fingers touched another part of his chest, making blood emerged from that part too.

_“You have to do it… Armin, you’re the only one.”_

Armin tried again to retire his hand but the next thing that happened was Eren felling on his back, while he coughed blood, making Armin felt scarred by the wounds of his best friend.

—Eren! —He replied and tried to get up by a punch was granted in his chest, making his breath stopped and coughed blood, closing his eyes by the evolve of his pain.

_“Armin, do it. You can do it”_ Eren’s voice replied in a low tone before he coughed and Armin tried to recover but then opened his eyes, noticed that he was alone.

He was alone, on his bed. And the only thing that he could hear was the waves outside his room.

He was in the ship, going with the rest of the squad at Eren, getting the plan of stopping him.

—Oh, damn… —He replied, before starting crying by the impotence of his nightmares.— Just a bad dream…

After cleaning his tears, he decided to get up for a glass of water. That nightmare really made his nerves lost his mind and his mouth was dry, maybe it felt so tangible that he even felt the wet sensation of the blood of his best friend running on his fingers.

Hence, he got up and stretched his arms before putting his coat and then walked outside of the temporal room that was having. Hanji should be checking some maps in the vigilance office, but he was not able to do something important right now. 

His body felt so tired that the only thing he wanted to do was lying down and thinking about the beautiful old days, and that made him remember about his best friend, she could be resting right now.

When the fight with Eren happened, Mikasa was devasting, she hadn’t talked enough since that time, so the rest of their companions decided to let her rest for the rest of the trip.

In contrast to Armin, who was the guy with more responsibility on his shoulders because by his fault Edwin had died and he felt the guilty glances that replied he wouldn’t be able to cover a strong position as Erwin was.

And it didn’t care to him, he was able to say that he really didn’t deserve the serum because he didn’t want to see at his best friend like this way. He should be better dead…

—You know, I left another place on his desk, but she wasn’t awake, maybe she couldn’t sleep yesterday. I felt sorry about her. —One voice made Armin stopped his steps before walked in the kitchen of the ship.

—It’s because she’s carrying too much pressure and I can understand her, she loves him, and he didn’t care and went away from her. It’s tough for her. —Another voice replied.

Indeed, Armin didn’t care who were the persons that were talking, the only thing he cared about was the next topic they said.

—Armin should be the person who kills Eren, I don’t know what he is waiting for. There are no more opportunities or advantages, he just needs to come close to Eren and transform at his titan form to fight with Eren, isn’t that simple?

—I know, he should just kill him. He could save so many lives, but he’s scared of Eren since the last fight they had.

—Come on, he would be the next captain. It’s time to stop his fear and tears, he needs to demonstrate his force.

Armin couldn’t continue hearing more about the topic. The bitter flavour raised a little from his throat, making his body felt subtle than when he woke up from that nightmare.

Remembering that bad dream… Eren’s blood on his fingers and Eren’s words…

No, he really couldn’t do something like that with more conscious, he didn’t want to do something alike neither before nor after. He’s not arriving at Eren’s place for doing something like that.

—But really, poor Mikasa, she’s taking too much pain for herself…

The bitter feeling changed upset when heard those words.

Why she had to suffer pain while he had to act mature and go to kill at his best friend? Why the people were saying those things?

Maybe they have a reason, yeah, Mikasa was suffering too much that she seemed lost each minute of the day. But she was not the only one carrying with that pain.

Allegedly Armin was fine. He was just scared by the power of his best friend, but he would be ready to fight with him in the future.

Allegedly Mikasa should have the opportunity to cry and be in the room all the time she needed but Armin should be in the command line to plan how to apprehend Eren.

Allegedly Armin was fine.

But he wasn’t.

And it was so tired to act as if nothing wrong was happening when everything around him was crumbling, and still, they implicated him to be the hero of the story.

Armin wanted to save at Eren and say that he sorry, he sorry by all the mistakes that one time he did. He… he always would need at his best friend on his side.

But there was no more time for that.

He just took a few deep breathes and then returned at his room, it didn’t matter if he couldn’t drink water, all the that he needed was lying and thinking because those days he had to see too many things.

—Sorry, Eren, but I can’t… —He mumbled before closed his eyes and let one time more his dreams covered his mind while tried to recover energy.

Maybe in the middle of the night, with the waves sounding in the background, a voice emerged to say at Armin that all would be fine, but the blond didn’t hear it and just slept lone one time more.


End file.
